Saying ‘no’ can be the hardest thing to do but we give you some suggestions to try.

Saying ‘no’ can be the hardest thing to do.

If you are a working carer you will be no stranger to multi-tasking and juggling a million-and-one jobs.

You will have your work responsibilities, your caring responsibilities and your own personal life all competing for your limited time and emotional and physical resources.

If you are a woman, research tells us that you are more likely to want to be helpful and please everyone – and that often translates as saying ‘yes’ when really you should be saying ‘no’.

But men, too, are also caught in a similar bind. You want to be seen as an achiever who can get things done and saying ‘no’ in a work capacity may seem like admitting defeat, incompetence, slackness or failure.

But for both sexes, taking on extra workloads – especially when the demands are unreasonable, can lead to stress, anxiety and exhaustion.

We all need to learn to say ‘no’ at times, even though it seems unnatural to us. But what should we say ‘no’ to and how do we phrase it so as not to offend?

You should say ‘no’ to things that clearly will affect the outcomes you have already made a commitment to – whether they are personal or work-related.

“I am sorry I would love to be able to get that job done for you, but I can’t manage it in the timeframe you require as I already have jobs in the queue and it would be unfair to others for me to delay those,” is an appropriate response.

Or “I can do that job for you only if I take something else off my work list today/this week. What would you like me to drop?”

Or “I can do that job for you but I can’t begin it for another three weeks/three hours as my schedule is full at the moment.”

Or “If this job is a top priority for you, I will have to delay doing ….”

Or “I am too busy to take that on just now but can I suggest you try …” and give them the name of another person or organisation that could help them out. A good recommendation is better than letting the person down or letting down people you have already made a promise to.

“No I can’t go to the post office to post that letter for you as I have promised my father that I will be home by 2pm to take him to the doctor and that time is not flexible.”

Or “I am sorry but I won’t be able to take that extra shift because I have a pressing personal commitment on that day.”

Or “No I can’t work on Saturday as that is my wedding anniversary/tennis final/daughter’s school play.”

Avoid the pressure to say “yes, of course I can do that”. The more you say ‘yes’ to things you can’t reasonably do, the more you will let people down. It is better to do a few jobs well and be reliable than to do many jobs badly.

If you say ‘yes’ when you really can’t fit another thing in, you will end up working back late – maybe even into the night, often doing unpaid overtime, affecting your concentration, productivity, mood, and general health, not to mention your relationships.

You will be trading your life for a job. And at the end of the day, who will thank you for it? Your manager may well move on to a new job and the new boss won’t know about or give a fig about the countless extra hours you have put in over the years.

Meanwhile, your family and friends will remember that you put them second to your job – time after time.

That is not to say you shouldn’t do your 100 percent best in your job. But to keep up the quality – and your personal sanity – you need to be able to draw a line in the sand and know when to say ‘no’.