Jennifer shares her caring story about looking after her husband with early dementia and diabetes.

 For a long time Jennifer didn’t know what was wrong with her husband.

He was becoming increasingly erratic, argumentative, forgetful and irrational.

A retired accountant, Bob was ‘old school’ and didn’t like to show weakness, Jennifer said.

“He always wanted to appear in charge and competent. He brushed off my concerns for a couple of years and joked it was just normal ageing,” she said.

“But by the time the doctors had figured out that he had early dementia and diabetes, he was really quite seriously debilitated.”

Jennifer has had to reduce her hours working as a shop assistant as Bob has become increasingly needy.

“He is seriously agitated almost all through the night and complains of his inability to sleep. It is very hard to handle as he almost refuses point blank to go and see the doctor,” she said.

“His general behaviour, even during the day, has become quite strange. He is somewhat aggressive, and gets agitated when I don’t respond the way he wants. He does things like putting the same question on the same subject to me over and over again.

“Often, he seems to deliberately take a different route when we are going to places that we regularly go to, like the shopping centre. He gets depressed easily. He forgets a lot.”

Jennifer said she was surprised at the swiftness of Bob’s deterioration and how it has affected their relationship.

“He was always the leader and the person who took charge. Now I have to lead and take charge, and he doesn’t like that, and to tell the truth, neither do I,” she said.

“For example the doctor told us that as his condition is quite serious, taking medication is vital and that I should be in charge of administering it. However, Bob doesn’t like taking his medication, so that presents a problem.

“Also, I am supposed to watch his diet – but Bob loves butter and cheese and sweets. I can’t make him stop eating those things which the doctor says are bad for his health.

“A year or so ago, Bob’s general behaviour worsened. He was referred to a specialist who diagnosed early dementia and prescribed a drug called Aricept, which had horrible side effects making Bob even more determined not to take any medications. We have tried several different medications since then and none of them are much better.

“Bob’s loss of memory continues but less dramatically than before. He is still unwilling to take medication and will often pretend to take it, then spit it out when I am not looking.

“One of the hardest things for me physically is that Bob no longer does anything around the house and I have to do all the domestic chores. I do have someone come in to do a quick clean once a week and someone mows the lawn once a month, but the cost eats into my budget quite a bit. I shop, cook, clean, wash, pay all the bills, organise all the doctors and services, organise all the maintenance and things like that.

“Bob refuses to go away anywhere for any respite, so the demands are pretty constant. I am always worried when I am not at home about his safety and I know that there will be a time not too far distant when I won’t be able to leave him alone at all. I am not sure how I will cope when we get to that stage, but I know I will have to find the strength somehow.

“Our two children are grown and have families and lives of their own overseas, so I can’t look for any help or support there.”