Louise Lambeth’s mum is 88 years old. Five years ago, when Louise was 43, her mum moved in to live with her and her husband and two children.

Back then, she could drive her car and care for herself, but wasn't coping with being in her own home, so Louise built a small self-contained flat onto the family home and her mum lived there happily.

Then came the first fall. She lost the ability to drive her own car and therefore her independence began to retreat. She got taxi vouchers and maintained the ability to go to her centre to play bridge. Then she fractured her pelvis and spent three months in a wheelchair.

“All of a sudden we needed help and needed it fast,” Louise said. “Mum was no longer able to cook, clean or care for herself.

“I immediately phoned the Commonwealth Respite and Carelink Centre. They talked to me and helped me sort out what I needed. They gave me the number of Hammond Care that has a branch that supports working carers.

“It’s a wonderful service that aids carers to enter or remain in the workforce. I was the client, not mum. She was the ‘care recipient’. They worked closely with me to make sure my needs were met by ascertaining how best to support mum while I was working.

“They could take her to activities, shopping, cards, doctors, and appointments or just spend time with her or do a little housework. It was extremely flexible and invaluable to both of us.

“Often in-home care is restricted by what they can and can’t do – not so with this service.   The service director, Belinda, came out often to see how we were going and they offered a supportive role for me personally. The service cost $4.50 an hour (more if on a weekend). It was subsidised by the government.

“It all happened so quickly and easily for us and I only lost a day’s work. Being a casual employee that was particularly important as no work equals no pay.

“Through Hammond Care we also had access to this incredible cottage for respite care called Jean Marion Cottage. It takes only five clients at a time and has three staff during the day and two at night. It’s a wonderful little house and mum was happiest there (so was I, as it was more like home than an institution). I only wish there could be more places like this to support the frail and their families.” 

At this stage, Louise’s mum was able to keep some control over her life by organising things with her carers. Louise said her mum was often reluctant to ask her to do extra things as she knew how difficult it was juggling work, children, a husband and her mother.

“She could really be honest with the carers, not hide things in case I would worry (they always told me things I needed to know). She could have a decent whinge and complain about things that bothered her,” Louise said.

“Most of all she could tell them all the wise things I no longer listened to as I had heard them so many times before. They found her interesting, fascinating and caring.  

“Where was I in all this? Somewhere along the way of becoming a carer I had lost my mother/daughter relationship. With mum in my home to watch everything and demand action, or follow through on advice she may have expressed, I became reluctant to share with her the day-to-day dramas of being a mum, wife, and worker.

“I could no longer have a decent whinge, complain about things that bothered me or listen to the wise things I had heard so many times before. Life became a long list of things I needed to do for mum.

“These were things I did willingly, but also with a little sorrow as my morning greeting was received with a list of things she had thought of in the early hours when she was awake and thinking of what she could now no longer do.”

Then, things took a turn for the worse for Louise’s mum. Heart failure meant a new level of care was now required. Every day a new problem seemed to arise.

“When away from home I started to live in fear of every phone call. We had our own reserved room at emergency, or so it seemed. Ambulance officers knew my mum, our house and our dog. We began to not go far from home and that progressed to one of us always staying behind with mum,” Louise said.  

“Mum struggled on – trying so valiantly to stay on her feet. But my health both physical and mental began to plummet along with mum’s. She was swollen with fluid and too frail to walk. Nights resounded with her calls for assistance and then it was often too late and beds had to be changed.   

“I was already so stressed it didn’t take that many nights of little sleep before the dreaded day arrived. There I was, standing in her room crying, no longer able to cope. I felt I had failed my mum, and failed myself.

“The Aged Care Assessment Team (ACAT) came and bless them. The ambulance came and I kissed my mum goodbye, not really realising that this was the last time I would see her in her own home. I had to face reality and make that all-too-hard decision. Mum was not going to get better and the level of care was now well beyond my family’s capacity to cope.  

“I couldn’t face it any longer, even when a rare EACH in-home care package was offered to mum. I had to make the final decision, not just for myself but for my family too. And it felt bad. The day I went to see mum in hospital and ask her thoughts on where to go in the future, was one of the worse days of my life. But I knew I had to stay firm for myself and my family.

“Mum looked at me with love and told me it was time, she held me in her frail old arms and let me cry.  

“The journey to and from the nursing home where she now lives has not been easy; guilt and tears have been in the passenger seat with me on every trip.  But ‘time heals’ and I am giving ‘time’ ‘time’. I once more have a mum I can now talk to, whinge and complain to, and I have the time to sit and listen to all of the wise things I now hear as if it’s the first time she has ever told me.

“And I am beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, I did the best I could for as long as I possibly could.”

For more information on Hammond Care or Jean Marion Cottage, use the links below:

http://www.hammond.com.au/

http://www.hammond.com.au/pages/default.asp?pid=38 (respite cottage is at the bottom of the page)