Le Hoang knows how difficult it can be caring for someone whose cultural and language differences make them feel anxious and unsettled in traditional Australian settings.

She is one of a state-wide team of counsellors who have been specially trained by Carers NSW to provide a low-cost and sometimes free service to carers in need of counselling support through the support program called ‘Talk it Over’.

“Many Asian families have a strong work ethic as well as a strong financial need to work. When they are also caring for a loved one who is dependent on them, the stress can easily become unmanageable because they often quickly find that they can’t tap into generic services because of significant cultural differences,” Le said.

“These differences are hard to explain to an outsider, and may seem trivial to some, but they are not trivial to the family experiencing them and soon become major issues that exhaust those dealing with them and can affect their ability to balance their many conflicting responsibilities.

“For example, something as simple as how food is cooked and served can escalate into a serious situation. A Vietnamese grandmother suffering from dementia may be placed in a typical respite care facility. Her traditional evening meal at home may be soup with rice. The family may ask for this at the care facility but the soup will come first, and the rice later, with the main meal. This small change to grandmother’s routine may be enough to acutely distress her and she may try and walk out, or become unmanageable and the family has to be called in to take her home again. This is not an uncommon occurrence.

“The family’s request for the rice to be mixed into the soup at meal times is seen as being of minor importance, or even as being bothersome. The cultural difference is not easily accommodated. The family is often seen as being troublesome or fussy and this can lead to friction between centre staff and family members.

“In other cases families may pay private carers to come into their home to work with a loved one, but again, despite specific instructions on how things need to be done in a culturally appropriate way, a carer will often ignore this and do it the way they have always done it in an Australian context.

“Because of the limited availability of culturally-appropriate care, family conflicts can become very serious. At times, this leads to situations where the primary carers are left in extreme isolation.

“They are not only isolated by the non-availability of culturally-appropriate services, but also by their own family network rejecting them and cutting them off. Relationship breakdown and family fragmentation are some of the outcomes, which can severely impact on the younger generations. Many of my clients are single mothers with no family or outside support at all.

“It can be hard to reach these families to assess their needs and offer help. In some cases, carers ‘hang up the phone’, or decline the counselling service, when they are contacted by an interpreter on behalf of the carer agency. The carers are often concerned that their family details will become known to others and so they won’t speak with anyone.”

Le said Asian carers are far less likely to seek help from outside agencies and prefer to keep everything within the family. If they do seek outside help and it fails, they will generally not be prepared to try again. There is a certain cultural expectation that the family will not tell outsiders about their problems but will soldier on without help, ultimately leading to a crisis situation.

“If we can intervene before this happens it saves a lot of heartache and also pressure on existing services,” Le said.

The ‘Talk it Over’ program has trained counsellors across the state specifically to deal with the needs of carers, Le said.

“Caring for someone with an illness or with disability is a stressful experience, even more so when you care for someone you know,” Le said.

“Guilt often compounds the physical stress the caring job demands: ‘Have I done enough for her/him?’; ‘I shouldn’t be taking time out for myself!’. Shame often compounds the guilty feelings: ‘How could I even think of telling someone about my stress!’ 

“Caring for someone does not mean sacrificing yourself.  In fact, caring for someone effectively, demands that you take good care of yourself.  Without you, they have no carer!  If someone relies on you for care, consider ‘talking it over’ with a counsellor.



‘Talk it Over’ is a government-funded counseling program, administered by Carers NSW, and delivered by Carers NSW accredited counselors.  The program is for carers of family, friends, neighbours, with illness/disability (physical or mental), or frail aged.  You do not need to live with the person.  You are entitled to carers counseling even when the person you cared for has passed away.  Counseling can focus on: managing stress, grief and loss, transition issues (e.g., moving into nursing home), emotional support, your health and wellbeing.



You can get more information about the service by calling Carers NSW on 1800 242 636.

For urgent counselling matters call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Carers in the metro Sydney areas can contact Le Hoang, at the Western Psychology and Eastern Wisdom Counselling centre on (02) 9665 4341, or Mobile 0404 478 715; or email her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it